04 Mar '13

A Nix ARC review – Take Me, Break Me by Cari Silverwood (Rating – 4.5 Stars….I think)

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Jodie is scraping the barrel trying to stay afloat. An idea arrives that could rescue her finances and bring her together in a kinky way with a man she never gave up on. She’s terrified and fascinated, and tempted as hell.

 

Capture fantasies rule her eBook. Re-enacting one in a documentary would surely be irresistible viewing to millions of women?

 

But Jodie and Klaus discover that underneath an ordinary man dark desires may lurk. What will win in the end? The man and lover, or the monster?

Sometimes, you have to have faith that an author won’t steer you wrong. Sometimes, you have to plough through difficult points and know that she, or he, has only their characters best interests at heart. The amount of faith I placed in Cari Silverwood’s love for her characters in this book is amazing to me. I, the lady who doesn’t like dubious consent and has absolutely no masochistic tendencies, have just read a book on the evolution of the Sadist through a capture fantasy gone awry.  Not only did I finish it, I didn’t put it down unless I absolutely had to. Enjoy isn’t a word I would use for this book. When I see that word, I think of warm and fuzzy feelings and these are few and far between in this book. I would say compelled, even a little obsessed, is a more accurate way to describe my mood towards this book. There were parts where I winced, even got very angry, but I carried on. After a while it wasn’t because I felt I needed to, it was because I had to. This book had grabbed my imagination and just wouldn’t let go. It’s so fucking hard to rate a novel that does that.
This book begins with a project. Jodie wants to film a capture fantasy like the ones in her erotic novels, wants to experience what it is like to become someone slave. She chooses Klaus because she trusts him and I quickly realised just how important that trust was to the whole central theme of this book. That trust gave him the nudge he needed to evolve into something he never considered he could be. It gave her the power to completely let go, to allow him to venture into some seriously scary territory. For me, this wasn’t a book about her; it was his story. She had allowed herself some Masochistic and submissive fantasies, some very extreme ones for someone not in the lifestyle too, but she seemed to have the idea that she wanted some kind of kink. He is clueless. Her complete trust in him, and her own sexuality, allows the development of his sadistic side. She always has the ability to stop the game but doesn’t feel the need whilst she is enjoying it and feels that he will do her no permanent harm.
Sadists are difficult for me. I have had numerous conversations with people in the lifestyle, am perfectly aware that a good sadist only wants to cause pain to people who enjoy it, but my wariness of them is bone deep.  This was probably one of the most interesting facets to this tale for me; I had never looked at this whole lifestyle from the point of view of someone who realises that his pleasure comes from the pain of someone else.  He suffered so much in this book. He thought he was sick, twisted and ultimately dangerous.  He wanted to own her, to control every aspect of her being.  It was so far out of my comfort zone it hurt but I knew, deep down, that she had agreed to it all. At some points, he was actually dangerous. Although I admired Jodie’s faith in his desire not to hurt her, in playing their game they were unleashing a beast that neither of them understood.  He wasn’t trained, mentored or monitored and there are some things that you CANNOT learn from Google. It was a very bumpy road with some very scary moments for me as a reader. (I will insert a warning here…. there is needle play.  I held my boobs for a good ten minutes before I could continue).  Ultimately, I adored him for his care for her.  He adored her and never wanted her to come to any harm; the stupidity of untrained play lay on both sides of the cane. Their game became something that neither of them had the skill to control and blame cannot lie solely with him. He was so damn Dommly….*conflicted fanning whilst eying needles with terror*
The development of the relationship was both endearing and terrifying. Psychologists, and experienced practitioners of the lifestyle, would have slapped the shit out of both of them for this game.  The trust that they had in each other though… that was a thing of beauty. She trusted him with her pleasure, her safety and her mind. He trusted her with his everything. He trusted her enough to bare his deepest darkest desires and let them out to play.  It’s a beautiful yet scary thing to read with the major problem being that he forgets that no one is born with the innate ability to wrangle their beast.
Ultimately, this is a story of self-discovery for both of them. This isn’t a sweet book that will make you feel the warm and fuzzies; there were scenes I read with a genuine sense of trepidation and a tinge of horror.  I enjoyed its originality, its depth of emotion and its narration from the other side of the typical BDSM love story. I’m so used to reading about experienced Sadist’s it was quite refreshing, if not scary, to see the development of a baby Sadist (although he certainly doesn’t seem like a baby Dom to me!!).  A recommended read for experienced BDSM readers and ones who’ve always wondered how a Sadist evolves.
Warning: contains spanking, caning, flogging, needle play, anal play, ménage, FF play, Total Power Exchange and elements of S&M.


     

Nix

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