30 Aug '12

BDSM Day 29 : "Sexual Healing in BDSM" by Kallypso Masters with excerpts from her next book and a giveaway

Posted in Events, Uncategorized / 48 Comments

Welcome to Day Twenty Nine, and the final day, of the BDSM Appreciation Event here at Scorching Book Reviews. So far we still have the wonderful Kele Moon giving away her Eden series,the lovely Cari Silverwood giving away a bookJoely Sue Burkhart giving away her latest release, Eve Berlin giving away the first book in a wonderful seriesSherri Hayes giving away a copy of Need, there’s a giveaway on Eliza Gayles post, the marvelous Bridget Midway is also hosting a giveaway, an amazing giveaway from Lissa Matthews, a fab giveaway from the amazing Kim Dare, a femDom giveaway from Lucy Felthouse, A Lexi Blake giveaway, A Portia Da Costa Giveaway, a Kelly Jamieson Giveaway, a Cassandra Carr giveaway, a HC Brown giveaway , two giveaways from Sierra Cartwright, an amazing post from Joey W.Hill, a giveaway on the guest post from Dawn, a giveaway from Melissa Schroeder, a giveaway from Yvette Hines , a giveaway from Justus Roux, a giveaway from Jan Bowles, a giveaway from Sue Lyndon and there is also a fabulous article by Reggie and kasi Alexander on the BDSM lifestyle. Just Click on the name in the above paragraph to play along. There is also an amazing excerpt (which I think may be exclusive…not sure) from Cherise Sinclair’s new book (Xavier…be still my beating heart). There is also an amazing International giveaway of a SIGNED hardback copy of The Siren by Tiffany Reisz 

Remember to use the Rafflecopter form or follow any additional instructions you will not be entered.


Today, I’m so fricking excited to have Kallypso Masters on the blog with a fabulous Guest Post. I was first introduced to her Masters at Arms series when she sent me a review request. I read them, I read them again and I was hooked! Her series is about of very traumatized ex-army soldiers who set up a BDSM club together. I love her writing and her characters….this is a MUST READ series for me.


Today, I get to go all fan-girl on you all as we have a post that is literally littered with teasers for the next book. Enjoy readers, I know I did…


When I started writing my Rescue Me BDSM series, I found myself immediately drawn to the psychological side of BDSM, and soon a couple characters who’d had sexually abusive pasts showed up on my computer screen.

The two most wounded of those heroines are Savi Baker (incest and sexual slavery survivor) and Cassie López (gang raped as a young adult). I began researching how BDSM can provide sexual healing and soon survivors who discovered the free introduction to the series, Masters at Arms, started writing to me after reading Savi’s prequel and telling me their own stories. Some have told me they know this is going to be a challenge for them to read, because of triggers and the emotions involved, but that, even if they have to put it down many times and it takes them a year to read, they’re determined to see Savi and Damián find happiness together. (Damián also uses being a sadist and a Dom in the BDSM community to help control his PTSD and after returning from Iraq a wounded warrior.)

Being a survivor of child sexual abuse myself, I was surprised by the number of submissives in the lifestyle who wrote to me about their abuse and how they found healing in BDSM.
So, how is BDSM used to heal? For Savi (in Nobody’s Perfect, due to be released Sept. 14) and Cassie (in Nobody’s Dream—coming out in 2013), BDSM will give them a way of regaining control and giving consent in an area where those once were taken away from them. Once trust is established between the heroes and heroines, which takes months for Savi, communication and negotiation takes place where hard limits are identified. Then, in safe, sane, and consensual BDSM scenes, the Dom plans play scenes that take them up to the stated limits. The sub also can safeword to put an end to a scene that becomes too intense or overwhelming. Having those controls in place allows them to be let down their guard, be touched, and experience impact or sensation play in a sexually and/or emotionally freeing way.

In Nobody’s Perfect (Rescue Me #4), Savi has been physical and sexually shut down for many years. Damián, a Service Top at the BDSM club he co-owns, wants to help Savi get beyond that numb feeling. Sex is a hard limit for her throughout most of the book, so their encounters are focused more on control and experiencing emotions and sensations. Through sadomasochism, he will help her achieve those goals.
In one scene where Savi is in the club for the first time, she is watching as Damián provides his expertise with the whip to help a masochist who has shut down emotionally and physically in response to a trigger. One of the club’s co-owners, Adam, is explaining the scene to Savi as if unfolds:

Welts formed on the woman’s backside. Savi cringed. “How can anyone let themselves be whipped like that and just take it? She hasn’t even screamed.”

“Patti’s a masochist. She doesn’t process pain the same way a non-masochist would.”

 

“Pain is pain.”

 

“No, it’s not that simple. You probably learned in physiology, or was it anatomy?—I didn’t get that far in school. Anyway, I’ve read a lot about it. The body actually only feels the temperature and pressure associated with the impact instrument. It’s the brain that then interprets those sensations as pain or pleasure. That’s what makes pain so subjective—why one person has a high tolerance for pain, while another is debilitated by seemingly minor hurts.”

 

Savi had a high tolerance for pain, but she’d developed techniques to help her tamp down the pain out of necessity. She chose to be numb.

 

Adam continued, keeping his voice low; she strained to hear. “Patti’s learned to embrace the energy the whip or other implements deliver, rather than resist it. Her brain will interpret the lashes as pain eventually. Right now, Damián’s trying to get her to focus on the present rather than hide within herself where she doesn’t feel anything…”

While the purpose of Damián’s scene with Patti above isn’t sexual, there is a strong connection between pain and pleasure that helps some abuse survivors find the only way they can experience sexual pleasure. Sometimes, when endorphins and adrenaline are released, the submissive can go into a state of euphoria called subspace. Some subs can achieve orgasm in this state without being touched at all. For abuse survivors, this can be exhilarating and might be the only way s/he can experience sexual pleasure and release.

Several of the beta readers for Nobody’s Perfect shared their own stories of how BDSM practices help them heal sexual. Kellie, a sub with a history of emotional abuse by a parent, told me she has difficulty crying because, in order to maintain some control over her abuser, she refused to cry. That coping mechanism stayed with her into adulthood, though, and now sometimes emotions and stress can build up until her Dom has to use an impact session to get her to cry, just so she can release those pent-up emotions. She helped me describe how Savi (whose coping strategies not only included not crying, but also not screaming) would fight to maintain that control. Kellie wrote me recently that “It is really awesome and sometimes creepy to see traits of yourself in characters of a book.”


Another beta reader, Kathy H., helped me with a breath-control scene that Damián uses to show Savi he can dominate and control her body without having to using restraints (another of her hard limits, at first, is restraints of any kind):

Before she could name the elusive emotion, he lowered his head to hers. She placed her hands on his chest to push him away, but he just held onto them as if to steady himself and continued to move closer.

“I don’t want you to kiss me.” “This isn’t a kiss.”

 The words had barely left his mouth when he pressed his lips against hers. If this wasn’t a kiss, she didn’t know what it was supposed to be. His left hand released hers and caged her chin, opening her mouth totally to his will. His lips came down gently, but firmly, against hers. He didn’t move, but applied steady pressure, closing off the airway. Even though she could breathe through her nose, panic set in. She clenched his hair and tried to push him away. His response to her distress was to draw her breath from her lungs with his mouth, making her panic even more.

 Then he pushed the breath back into her mouth.

 What on earth…? Again he drew her breath into his mouth and lungs, and then repeated the process. A wave of dizziness swept over her, and she slumped against him. Damián pressed her harder against the wall, sandwiching her between his unyielding body and the hard wall, the only reason she could remain standing.

 The tension and anxiety she’d been experiencing released, and she floated in his arms. Her focus became riveted to the back-and-forth play of their breaths. He pressed even harder against her body, depriving her chest of any room to expand on its own. Her breathing was controlled totally by Damián.

Lastly, abuse victims can be triggered by sounds, touch, tastes, smells, words—any number of things that remind them of the earlier abuse. One of my readers and Facebook friends, Ofelia, shared how using a technique she called “I am here” helps her overcome triggers and flashbacks that led to her zoning out. So, if the Dom/Domme notices the sub is in distress or zoning out, S/He can help the sub focus on the moment and not let the sub be consumed by the emotions and experience of the past.


Savi suffers from a number of triggers and flashbacks in the story. Here’s a short example of how Damián uses his voice and touch to keep her in the moment:

…Moisture wet her cheeks, whether from sweat or tears, she didn’t know.

 

Savannah, stop being such a cry baby. It’s very distracting.

 

A sob tore from her throat before she could stop it. “You’re hurting me, Father! Get off me!” She struggled with her bonds, but couldn’t push her father off her.

 

“Savi, where are you?”

 

“My b-b-bed.”

 

“Savi, this is Damián. Tell me where you are.”

 

Firm, gentle hands stroked up and down her sides and his warm body pressed against her backside. Not Father. Damián. And he wasn’t on top of her at all. The sound of Damián’s voice and the touch of his hands pulled her back to him.

 

“I’m with you, Sir. In your club.”

 

“That’s my girl. 

One of my beta readers, who lives the lifestyle and has read hundreds of books in the genre, wrote to me while reading the first draft of Nobody’s Perfect: “…this is the best book I have ever read in the BDSM genre!! The BEST! You are capturing everything that out community is. It’s not just kink, it’s helping each other get past our demons so we can live and enjoy life.”

Comments like hers make all the work it has taken to break down my own walls and get this story out very worthwhile. It took three times as long as the other books, but has been a cathartic experience for me, as well. I’m looking forward to turning it over to my readers in a couple weeks. Like my other books, it will be available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Smashwords right away. Soon after, it goes to Kobo and All Romance eBooks. And perhaps a few weeks later, it will filter to iBook/iTunes and other distribution sites. The Rescue Me series needs to be read in order because it is NOT a standalone series. The characters can take three or more books to tell their entire romantic journey, and will even come back after their happy endings to do further work on their relationships. HEAs take maintenance!

For buy links on the earlier books in the series, go to http://kallypsomasters.blogspot.com/p/books-by-kallypso-masters.html. Please sign up for my newsletter while you’re there! (Look for link in the upper righthand margin.

Please comment below for a chance to win a free book of the winner’s choice in the Rescue Me series, as well as a set of Rescue Me swag (“Eyes on Me” hand fan, purple pen, Romance Trading Cards, and bookmarks). The winner will be selected by a random drawing. BE SURE TO LEAVE YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS so we can contact you if you win!

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48 Responses to “BDSM Day 29 : "Sexual Healing in BDSM" by Kallypso Masters with excerpts from her next book and a giveaway”

  1. Oh my goodness!! This series sounds very steamy!! I'd love to get my eyes on one of these ebooks!! Thanks for the exerpts and the awesome giveaway!!

  2. Kally, awesome job describing the healing aspect of BDSM. You know I can't wait to read more about Damien and Savi. Plus, I can't wait for the rest of the series!
    modularmates(at)comcast(dot)net

  3. That was great, loved the little snippets of Damien & Savi, can't wait for this book, love your books keep them comming 🙂

  4. I've had "Masters at Arms" and "Nobody's Angel" for a while, but for some reason they kept getting put on the back burner. On Sunday I started reading "Masters at Arms" and devoured it. I then devoured "Nobody's Angel" and bought "Nobody's Hero." I'm halfway through with that one now. I can't wait for "Nobody's

  5. 2 more weeks, yeah, can't wait. Going to wait til around the 10th then re read the first 3 for the 4th time before the new one arrives. Thanks for the excerpts. I love hearing about the input you get from your beta readers and the BDSM community.
    starsia_70@yahoo.com

  6. OMG I can't wait to read this book. Damien has been my fav since Master in Arms, I can't wait to read about him and how he can help Savi heal from her past!

  7. Great article Kally! I myself look forward to Savi's story…..It's prob the most anticipated story of the series for me…..Thank you for telling her story. I'm sure as a sexual abuse survivor myself this story will help to overcome some of my DEMONS as well.

  8. Shannon (redsoxfan521@aol.com)

    I love This whole series and love the way Kallypso writes about the traumas and experiences of each of the characters lives and how they learn to get past them.

  9. Kally, I am so glad that you are writing something so "real" even though it is difficult for you to write and will be difficult for me to read. So often, other authors gloss over past traumas and make it seem like PTSD can be healed overnight when we know it can take a lifetime or maybe never heal at all. Thank you.

  10. Jennifer Fickle

    I have read this series several times there is healing in understanding your sexual needs I am a different person because of these books my relationship has never been better and most importantly I love who I am now. Thank you for these stories!

  11. I love this series and am eagerly awaiting Sept 14th!! I really enjoyed your blog, and I think I will have my tissues on hand when I start reading this book.

    susanmplatt AT hotmail DOT com

  12. Loved this blog it explains a lot of the BDSM world that people don't know about and makes it easy to understand.

  13. Great blog post. I've just read Masters at Arms so far, so thanks for this fabulous giveaway.

    caity_mack at yahoo dot com

  14. Carrie Williams

    Simply amazing article Kally. I literally had to remember to breathe while reading this. You have truly captured and expressed the whole other side to BDSM and I thank you for that. Adore you and your stories. Keep them coming…
    muzsgal@comcast.net

  15. I'm currently reading Nobody's Angel right now! Love it! Can't wait to read the rest. Really looking forward to Savi and Damian's story after reading Master At Arms.

  16. I a long time ago never understood the reason as to why but the need to feel pain can be so freeing and it all makes scense I get it now. I wish I just could explain it to my husbnad so he would get it. haha

  17. I have read the first three books of this series and highly recommend them. I am very much looking forward to Nobody's perfect and will have a box of kleenex on hand!!!

  18. Hi

    Great post. I have these books on my TBR list but have not moved them up to read any – I am fixing that and must read them as they sound wonderful.

    Thanks for the chance
    Pam
    tpibrew@msn.com

  19. Awesome post. This series is really good. I'm so looking forward to reading Nobody's Perfect. Thanks for the giveaway.
    shellya121 at yahoo dot com

  20. Thanks, everyone, for stopping by! Nice to see some new readers to the series, plus some who have been with me throughout the first year of publishing my books.

    This book has been a labor of love (and since it's been 9 months since the last book came out–it's practically like delivering a BABY!), but I'm looking forward to getting it onto your ereaders soon! My team and I

  21. A note to my fellow survivors–we are just that. We survived. We all have things we wish we could get over, but look how far we've come! Just writing this book took me back to my years in therapy 20+ years ago, remembering all those feelings that kept churning up when I really didn't want to experience them other than to say, "Yeah, that happened. I got over it. Let's move on.&

  22. I can't tell you all enough how much I am looking forward to this book! Kally, you know how much I love you and your writing! I have been shouting from the rooftops about all your books! Love you, Beth

  23. Oh, is it the 14th yet? LOL

    Seriously, anyone who has not read these books needs to do it NOW! The first book is free! And it introduces the guys and shows how they became so close. Although there is no HEA or even HFN ending, it is necessary to read it to set up the rest of the series, and to learn how the characters meet and some of their histories.
    Kally is a great author and

  24. Master At Arms is one of my favorite series! I really appreciate the posts with the background information about your Beta readers and their support through your writing process. I can't wait to read Savi's book. The excerpts from her book just grab hold and don't want to let go. Thank you Kally!

  25. Serenity Seeley

    Thank you Kally for writing such an amazing series and for showing people the other side of BDSM.

    As you know I am new to reading this genre (started a year ago) and originally had many misconceptions. However, after reading this genre and especially your series I have come to love this genre and how it is so much more then kinky sex.

    You are perhaps one the few authors

  26. Thank you for the post/review. I have read the other books in this series & loved them! I cannot wait to dive into this book. Been waiting for Damian & Savannah (Savi's) story.

  27. Wow, finally got to read some new material! Thanks for all your hard work Kally, we are patiently waiting for you and the new release.

    Eva
    evitap67(at)gmail(dot)com

  28. I was intrigued by Damien and Savi from the first book, and am impressed by the fantastic recommendations Nobody's Perfect is earning within the BDSM community. Rock on, Kallypso!

  29. @Kim, great idea! Will wait and re-read them all just before publishing, though the Damien/Savi intro is not light reading! I think that's what drew me to the series … not comfortable people with comfortable lives, but real people that take more than one novel to get themselves straightened out!

  30. This series sounds fantastic. Can't wait to read it. Thanks for the great post and excerpts.

    e.balinski(at)att(dot)net

  31. I have the first book in the series just haven't had time to read it (im in school) and now after reading this blog….I really want to get started on them. I don't think i have read anything as deep or emotional as some of these excerpts…if the books are the same, then I am really going to enjoy!

    mhay@panhandle.rr.com

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