07 Aug '12

BDSM Day Seven – Need Blog Tour by Sherri Hayes and a Giveaway

Posted in Events, Uncategorized / 30 Comments

Welcome to Day Six of the BDSM Appreciation Event here at Scorching Book Reviews. So far we still have the BDSM Blog Hop which you can enter here,the wonderful Kele Moon giving away her Eden series,the lovely Cari Silverwood giving away a bookJoely Sue Burkhart giving away her latest release and Eve Berlin giving away the first book in a wonderful series. Just Click on the Links to play along. Remember to use the Rafflecopter form or you will not be entered.

We are very lucky to be able to integrate the tour of a brilliant book into our event. The first I heard about Sherri Hayes, was when I got a review request for Slave, the first book in her Finding Anna series. I’d read some total power exchange before within the BDSM genre, never really felt comfortable with it, but this was entirely different! This is the story of a woman recovering from being a victim of human sex slavery the only way she knows how. It is brave, gut-wrenching and uncomfortable.. this book is brilliant, but not for the faint of heart.

Any way, the brief was to come up with a post about the type of BDSM that featured in their books. Lets see what Sherri came up with…..

I think there is a very real misconception out there when it comes to negotiating a BDSM relationship. When reading, sometimes you see a couple sit down and go over a contract with hard and soft limits. I’ve even seen ones where each party gives a number to each of their soft limits saying how interested they are in that particular kink. Everything is very clinical and precise. Does this happen? Yes. In some relationships, this is exactly what happens. That doesn’t mean, however, that it is the only way.

One of the most confusing things for those outside of the lifestyle to grasp is that there is no one true way of practicing BDSM. I think it’s easier to think those who practice the lifestyle can be put in a nice, neat, boxed category. Reality doesn’t work that way. There are as many ways to practice BDSM as there are couples involved in the lifestyle. This includes the way they negotiate the relationship itself.

From my research, I’ve found that the couples who tend to use the more commonly recognized ‘contract’ are those who are new to playing with each other. They don’t know each other very well, so having everything neatly written down in black and white provides a good gauge of where both the players are at the start.

Those couples who have been together for a while, however, or those who started out vanilla (non-BDSM), tend to have a less structured form of negotiation. It’s not unlike what happens in every healthy relationship. One person will bring up something they’d like to try in conversation, and get the other person’s feedback. It isn’t a negotiation in the traditional sense. It’s a conversation. In both instances, however, the parties are able to express themselves and convey that in a clear way.

Which is correct? They both are. As I mentioned above, there is no one right way of having a BDSM relationship. If it works for the people involved, then it is a successful negotiation.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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30 Responses to “BDSM Day Seven – Need Blog Tour by Sherri Hayes and a Giveaway”

  1. Thank you for the information. I often find myself wondering how BDSM works in real life.
    amberdcline gmail

  2. Fun blog post 🙂 Looking forward to the new release. Since 50 shades, we've had a lot of interest at my library about these kinds of things. Books, and lots of google information has been looked up 🙂

    brunettelibrarian AT gmail *d8t* c0m

  3. I write BDSM (and will be on here in about 10 days!) and all of my books have been different as far as how the relationship or playtime has been handled. In one, there was a contract. In another, a safeword, but that was about it. In the one I'm writing currently, the Dom is new to the lifestyle, so there's been a lot of conversation, but no talk of contracts. Just like you said,

  4. Thanks for an informative post. Just like any relationship, it takes communication in whatever way works for the people involved.

    suz2(at)cox(dot)net

  5. Hello Sherri

    I completely agree with you, "there is no one right way of having a BDSM relationship"

    I feel if those involved are all in agreement, have open communication & respect for one another & so very important…Trust…then there is nothing wrong in enjoying a safe BDSM Relationship toegther.

    I would very much appreciate the opportunity

  6. Great post, we often in anything we do get hung up on there is only one way to do things, Carin
    mawmom(at)gmail(dot)com

  7. I really enjoyed this post and am glad that you reinforced that there is no right or wrong way to do BDSM. Every relationship is different, because all the people are individuals/unique to each other.
    June
    manning_j2004 at yahoo dot com

  8. Great post & info. Thank you! Love this hop so far & thank you for being a part of it. I have been introduced to many authors I haven't had the pleasure of reading before & you're one of them. Adding you to my TBRs. Thanks for the giveaway!
    JessieL62@comcast.net

  9. The negotiation in a BDSM relationship sounds much like the negotiation in any relationship. Each partner has to step softly until they are comfortable with knowing the other partner's needs and wants

    ~ellen

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