A Nix Review – Squirm by Cari Silverwood (4 Stars)

Squirm by Cari Silverwood
Series: The Squirm Files #1
Published by Cari Silverwood on 14-05
Genres: Parody
Pages: 51
Format: eBook
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A parody of everything great and weird in erotic romance that could be stuffed into one book without it exploding.

For some girls, one tentacle isn't enough.

Having a bad day isn't good but when Virginia Chaste has a bad day, she gets felt up by a tentacle monster. If it simply has to happen, let it at least be a billionaire and a hot biker.

Virginity isn't all it's cracked up to be and her search for the Holy Grail of Erotic Romance, the ten inch purple-headed schlong, may have finally borne fruit.

Yeehaw! Playing hide the tentacle has never been so much fun.

FTC : I got this book from the author for a fair and honest review. 

Well, this one was a step outside my norm. For a start it was “tentacle porn” and it was also a parody. I find it hard to rate it with my normal brackets but I did enjoy it immensely so I’m gonna stick with my 4 star review…. I’m still a bit confused as to what it was I read!

Squirm pokes fun at several romantic tropes whilst managing to have (a bit of) a plot. The hot millionaire hero, the biker hero, tentacle porn, the heroine with disappearing underwear who is also a virgin…. it’s all in there! Every stereotype is poked at and its all wrapped up in a weird tentacle porn package. I may not be selling this well but it is a lot of fun.

Virginia is on a double quest. She is trying to find her friend and so, in a way that would make all reviewers label her TSTL, she goes to try to save her. Alone. In a biker gangs hangout. Go figure. She is also on a more personal quest…to find the mythical 10-inch penis.

“[she]wondered, ever so hopefully, if among these men she would find her holy grail – what she’d been saving herself for from the day she opened the pages of her first romance novel – the man with the ten inch purple-headed schlong”

What she finds is a Millionaire, bicycle gang leader Dom, who also is a shape-shifter with tentacles. Yes, you did hear me correctly. They then hit it off and tentacle-sex and BDSM high-jinks follow.

I won’t spoil this anymore but I hope what I have given you is a taste of what this parody is like. You won’t like the characters, the plot is a loose to say the least but none of that matters as the aim of this book is not to be good. The aim of this book is to be funny. And it is. I highly recommend it to romance fans as you will get the in jokes.

Now….my favourite quote:

“Come. You have a dinner date with me at my mansion.”

“I do?” Virginia frowned. “I’m sure it’s not in my planner.” He could be right, though. She’d already forgotten her panties, her bra, and what to call long arm thingies on monsters.