Release Day Guest Post : Tibby Armstrong won’t blame her characters for the BDSM in (what could be) the last in the Hollywood Series! (Incl.Giveaway)

 

I’ll tell you a secret. Authors like to pretend their characters are in charge of their stories. We enjoy the fiction that our creations possess us, run away with us, make us say and do things on the page the would bring a scarlet blush to our cheeks if we had been responsible for the story. This excuse is really a not-so-new twist on “the devil made me do it.”

In fact, I’d like you to believe this about my newest book, Numbers Game. Two devils named Aaron Blake and Greg Falkner, definitely, certainly, without a doubt, made me write it.

*cue crickets*

You’re not buying it? Yeah. Me either.

The problem is? I think I knew what I was doing all along. You see. I wrote a story that I’d been trying to poke a stick at ever since I began writing the Hollywood series and No Apologies. I knew what and who these characters were the first time Aaron had Greg on his knees looking up at him against the backdrop of the night sky. I’m going to take a deep breath and admit it. I wrote a story with lots and lots of BDSM, and I’ve been gearing up for it for a long, long time.

Given how popular this sub-genre of erotic-romance is these days, you’d think I wouldn’t need a 12 Step program in order to admit this little fact. (Says to self again, I wrote a story with blatant, no-holds-barred BDSM.) Why is this so difficult for me to face or admit? I’ve been pondering this question ever since I began to understand the shape these characters and this story were taking. I think I have an answer.

This book isn’t about sex at all, and I’m afraid that’s all people will see: flesh, fucking, animalistic instant gratification. I’m afraid it’s all people will see because what if that’s all I can write? I’m very, very worried I might have failed in what I really wanted to do. This story, beyond any other I’ve written is supposed to be about raw vulnerability, gut wrenching self-recognition, and love. Yes, love. It’s about digging so deep within ourselves that there’s no turning away from the darkness within. It’s about travelling through that darkness, recognizing it for all it is, and emerging on the other side born anew, made whole in the recognition of our complete and honest selves.

Wow. Tall order for a girl who grew up gorging herself on bodice rippers.

That, all on its own, is terrifying. Forget that people will be reading this story and have Expectations. Forget that some will want to come to it for the sex only and choose not to see the entire story. What is really and truly scary to me is that I tried to do something BIG here, conscious or not, with two characters I adore more than any others and even a few of my friends (sorry, guys!), and oh my God, what if I failed? In fact, I’m sure I did fail in some moments, because I’m human. Yet, when I read through the lines I poured onto the page, I am also convinced that every once in a while I got it right. And hell, I’ll admit it, I find the sex really hot.

Mostly, though, I’m proud that I told the story I wanted to tell. I faced my demons and told the story that worried me most of all from the beginning. I let my heart tell an honest story in the most naked and vulnerable way I personally could. I put myself out there to be criticized and critiqued and flayed alive. Very much like BDSM. I’m making myself stronger through doing what scares me most. I’m making myself stronger by exploring my boundaries and getting to know myself better. Now I get to see this story through your eyes, without the haze of self-reflection and tangled intent. If I’m lucky, you will tell me what you really think and I will know that for good or for bad I survived.

Greg didn’t make me tell this story. Neither did Aaron. As much as I want these guys to be real–as much as I wish I were part of their sometimes messed up but very loving and exciting (to me) lives, they exist only in my heart. I hope after you read the series, and Numbers Game (which is in no way a stand-alone!), they will become part of your hearts too. I want to connect with readers through these men. Through them, and you, I want to know myself; and, if I did it right, you’ll go on your own journey with them too.

This might be the last story I tell with these guys. I’m not intending to write another. They keep surprising me though. Who knows? They just might make me write another.